Kingdom Conversations
by Jade Dragoon 14
Summary: I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 one day and thought, "Hmmmm...what if so and so said this instead of that." Hilarity ensued. New Chapter! Revised Introduction!
1. Introduction

My old introduction really sucked.

Sorry about that.

I will use this introduction to answer a few reviewers' questions:

Where do you come up with this stuff?

Well, I have way too much free time on my hands, and I could give you a really long explanation about how I'll be playing Kingdom Hearts and something funny randomly pops into my head, or how I got a few things from Kingdom Hearts parody videos on YouTube, but I'll give you a simpler answer: most of this stuff is just my Kingdom Hearts obsessed mind having a field day.

Um, how is blue a girl color? I'm pretty sure that both boys and girls can wear it well.

(In reference to Sora and crew and Saix: Part 1)

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that blue is a girly color; just that Sora thinks Saix is girly because of his hair flip. Also, Sora is mad at Saix for tryin' to tell him what to do and screwin' with his duck. A swift kick in the psyche if you will.

Why does Donald have ointment, though? He's a duck!

(In reference to Sora and crew, Beast, and Xaldin: chafing)

When you travel as much as Donald does, ointment is a necessity, no matter what the species.

I didn't think that Xaldin was too difficult. The only part that I had trouble at was fighting Demyx in Hollow Bastion. Defeating ten clones in ten seconds was tough; he beat me there like, three times! Plus, I had a hard time landing a hit on him.

(In reference to Sora and crew, Beast, and Xaldin: chafing)

I don't think Xaldin is difficult, either, just a little tedious. Last time I battled Xaldin, I spent half the fight with him at like 2HP, trying to get a combo on him. Whoever says Demyx is a poor fighter should battle him in Hollow Bastion on proud mode. Those water clones will kill ya.

Who wouldn't be obsessed with Roxas, though?

(In reference to Axel and Roxas on Roxas' Departure)

Axel does kinda come off as a Roxas stalker, doesn't he? I play with this idea more in the next chapter, which should be up shortly. Maybe tonight or tomorrow.

To all who reviewed or favorited or took the time to read this….lots of love to ya!

Whoa!...I just realized this introduction is longer than some of my stories.


	2. Axel and Roxas on Roxas' Departure

A conversation between Axel and Roxas on Roxas leaving The Organization…

Axel: You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!

Roxas: No one would miss me.

Axel: The hell I wouldn't! Who am I going to feed all of this blue ice cream to!

Roxas: I don't know….Demyx or Saix maybe.

Axel: Not happening! You know how Demyx gets when he has sugar and Saix is lactose intolerant. Got it memorized? I had planned on you hanging around for a while, so I bought four thousand boxes.

Roxas: Where in God's name did you buy four thousand boxes of ice cream!

Axel: Costco

Roxas: Now I know why I'm leaving. This whole organization is a bunch of fruit loops! You're obsessed with me! Saix is a lunatic! Demyx has the brain of a five-year-old! Xigbar thinks he's a pirate! And to top it all off, the Superior is a devil worshipper!

Axel: But I love you, Roxas, please stay.

Roxas: Ahh! Pedophile! ***stalks off***


	3. Sora and crew, Beast, and Xaldin:chafing

Sora and crew, Beast and Xaldin

Sora: What do you guys really want?

Xaldin: more suitable traveling clothes.

Sora, Donald and Goofy: What!

Xaldin: These black, leather cloaks just don't breathe. I chafe in places I didn't even know I had, and let me tell you, it's not pretty.

Sora: too much information, dude!

Donald: I have an ointment for that.

Sora: Don't encourage him!

Beast: Oh, can I get some of that ointment.

Goofy: Me too.

Sora: Would everybody just stop talking about their dermatological issues!

Goofy: just because you don't have dermatological issues…..

Sora: That's it! Can we just fight or something, please!

Xaldin: Fine, have it your way.***whips out lances***

Donald: Great, now you pissed him off!

***long battle ensues in which Sora and company get their asses handed to them***

Donald: You should have just let me give him some ointment…


	4. Sora and crew and Yen Sid

Sora and crew and Yen Sid

Donald: Master Yen Sid, we are honored.

Sora: Hey there!

Donald: Sora, show some respect!

Yen Sid: Yes, yes it is I, the Great Yen Sid and I'm going to…..….Do you boys think that wall would look good painted a different color?

Sora: Ummm….aren't you supposed to be teaching us about heartless…..or something?

Yen Sid: Oh, right, as I was saying. Heartless and Nobodies are…..Would you like a cup of tea?

Goofy: No thank you, Master Yen Sid.

Sora: Heartless?…Nobodies?

Yen Sid: Of course, Nobodies are what is left of….I think I'll plant some fruit trees out in the yard.

Goofy: Master Yen Sid, are you all right?

Yen Sid: Yes, yes, I'm quite-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Sora: Is he asleep? I thought this guy was supposed to be wise and powerful and junk.

Donald: Well, he's not as young as he used to be.

Sora: By the time all of this is over, I'm gonna need to be institutionalized.

Goofy: Now what?

Sora: ***pulls out marker***Let's give old Yen Sid here a makeover.

Donald: Sora!

Sora:***puts marker away*** Fine, fine, let's go. (whispers) fun killer.

Donald: I heard that!


	5. Sora and crew and Demyx

I just realized I didn't put a disclaimer…sorry. I don't own Kingdom Hearts

Sora and crew and Demyx

Demyx: Hey, you guys are lookin' lively.

Donald: Scram!

Sora: Didn't we catch you messing around in the Underworld? How'd a wimp like you get into Organization XIII?

Demyx: What have you heard? It definitely wasn't because I did sexual favors or anything. ***nervous laugh***

Sora: I bet you can't even fight. What with your goofy hedgehog haircut and your giant blue guitar.

Demyx: You shouldn't judge anyone by appearance. And it's a sitar.

Sora, Donald and Goofy: ***ready their weapons***

Demyx :( to himself) I told them they were sending the wrong guy.

Sora: What the hell is up with this guy!

Goofy: Remember, the Organization is made up of Nobodies.

Sora: Right-no hearts!

Demyx: Who told you that? Was it that old crackpot Yen Sid? Because he's senile. Doesn't know what he's talkin' about.

Donald: You can't trick us.

Demyx: Silence, traitor.

Sora: bipolar, much?

Demyx :( cries) Yes!

Sora :( whispers) This guy's a nut job, let's get out of here.

Demyx: Don't leave me!


	6. Sora and crew and Saix:Part 1

To everybody who reviewed or favorited or took the time to read any of my stories, I thank you. You guys are awesome! And yes, since this is part 1, I plan on doing Sora and crew and Saix: Part disclaimer applies.

Sora and crew and Saix: Part 1

Saix: Impressive. By the way, have you seen a man named Axel? I expect he's here somewhere.

Sora: Who the hell is that? Sounds like a child rapist….

Saix: You see, Axel's no longer acting in our best interest.

Goofy: Is he with the Organization too?

Sora: must you ask such obvious questions all the freakin' time!

Saix: No, he's part of the Lollipop Guild; Of course he's with the Organization!

Donald: You havin' a fight?

Saix: No, we're havin' a tea party.

Sora: God, you're sarcastic!

Saix: Don't let your guard down.

Sora: Don't tell me what to do, old man!

Saix: Axel will stop at nothing to turn you into a Heartless?

Sora: Ooohh! I'm shakin' in my freakishly oversized shoes.

Saix: Axel aside, it would break our hearts to hear something happened to you.

Donald: Hearts? You don't have any hearts!

Saix: It was a figure of speech, dumbass!

Sora: Hey! I don't care how badass you and your little Organization are, you don't mess with my duck!

Saix: Oh, does someone have their big girl panties in a bunch? ***removes hood, does girly hair flip***

Sora: I'll tell you one thing, I-Whoa! What happened to your hair?

Saix: ***rolls eyes*** Believe it or not, it's naturally this color.

Sora: (whispers) Natural, my ass.

Saix:***summons dark portal*** You're retarded.***steps into dark portal***

Sora: Hey! You get back here and fight like the girlish man you are!


	7. Axel, Roxas, and Diz:Twilight Town

I think this one is a little suckish. Sorry people. Standard disclaimer applies

Axel and Roxas: Twilight Town

Axel: Roxas. All right. Fight. Fight. Fight. You really don't remember. It's me, babe, Axel.

Roxas: Well Mr. Axel, you remind me of a child rapist I once knew.

Axel: Maybe it's because I am the secret molester of Twilight Town.

Roxas: You're creepin' me out, dude.

Axel: That's not what you said last we had a little fun.

Roxas: enlighten me then. What did I say?

Axel: Something along the lines of: ***pant, pant*** stop teasing me Axel ***pant, pant*** Just do it already ***pant, pant*** Oh yeah, right there ***pant*** Harder!

Roxas: eewwww!

Axel: Okay, maybe it didn't happen like that, but it could've.

Roxas: ***looks at Keyblade*** I don't know what this thing is, but I'm gonna ram it so far up your ass….

Axel: Well, Roxas, I didn't know you were into that sorta thing, but I'm game.

Roxas: ***throws Keyblade*** If you're gonna rape me, then just get do it already. ***Keyblade appears back in hand***

Axel: If you say so…. ***moves toward Roxas***

***Diz shows up***

Axel: Can't you see you're interrupting something. I was just about to get me some. ***throws chakrams, bounces off**

Roxas: Thank God you're here.

Diz: Roxas don't give in to this rapist's advances!

Axel: Come on, you know you want to. Give in!

Diz: Don't give in!

Axel: Give in!

Diz: Don't give in!

Axel: Give in!

Roxas :(yells to the sky) When will the madness end!


	8. Sora and Axel:Betwixt and Between

Sora and Axel

Sora: Axel, what were you trying to do?

Axel: I wanted to see Roxas.

Sora: Why the hell does everybody keep talkin' about this Roxas kid?

Axel: Shut up, I'm trying to make a speech! Any who, where was I? Oh, yes. He….was the only one I liked.

Sora: Oh, you_ liked_ him.

Axel: ***death glare***

Sora: Fine, go on.

Axel: He made me feel like I had a heart. ***looks at Sora*** It's kind of funny. You make me feel the same…***smiles***

Sora: Dude, are you really gonna try and flirt with me during your death speech?

Axel: Not death, man, fading. I hope I fade to a place that has a bar.

Sora: a bar?

Axel: You'd need a drink too if you spent all of your time chasing ungrateful teenagers around who think you're a pedophile, and a pervert, and 'unfriendly'. Let me tell you, it takes a lot outta ya.

Sora: Tell me about it. I've been on a wild goose chase for over a year, looking for Riku, and when I finally catch wind of him, he disappears. Pisses me off…. And people wonder why I take anti-depressants.

Axel: You too?

Sora: ***mutters something about needing to get his prescription refilled***

Axel: Umm…..shouldn't you go and help that red-headed chick….or something?

Sora: Oh, right. See ya later, man.

Axel: What, I risk my life for you and all I get is: "See ya later man,"

Sora: Yeah, pretty much.

Axel: Screw you!

Sora: (whispers) You wish.


	9. Sora and Riku:Dark Beach

Sora and Riku: Dark Beach

Riku: What I said back there, about thinking I was better at stuff than you…

Sora: Yeah?

Riku: I was right.

Sora: Hey! Who was the one that saved the entire universe from darkness? Twice!

Riku: You may have that going for you, but I'm still older, stronger, smarter, and better looking.

Sora: You really are an ass sometimes, ya know.

Riku: Yeah…but you love me.

Sora: Excuse me!

Riku: You must have to come all this way to find me.

Sora: I was on a mission to save the universe! Finding you was just…..just

Riku: A bonus?

Sora: No. More like a swift kick in the nuts.

Riku: Thanks a lot, buddy.

***awkward silence***

Sora: We're gonna be stuck here forever, aren't we?

Riku: Probably.

***another awkward silence***

Riku: Ya wanna know something weird?

Sora: What?

Riku: The Keyblade can lock entire worlds and slay darkness made real….

Sora: And?

Riku: But it still can't make me understand that duck of yours.

Sora: What the hell does everybody have against my duck!

Riku: Don't worry, I can't understand the dog either.

Sora: I can't help that every friend I make on this journey has a speech impediment!

***yet another awkward silence***

Riku: I guess we don't have to worry about that anymore.

Sora: I guess not.

***Jade Dragoon 14 maims the person who came up with awkward silences while another one occurs***

Sora: Hey, what's that? ***points at bottle***

Riku: ***picks bottle up*** It's a bottle! Stupid litterers tryin the kill the planet! Makes me sick!

Sora: Here, let me see. *** uncorks bottle, takes out letter and begins to read*** Milk, butter, M and M's, tampons! What's this?

Riku: Sounds like a shopping list.

Sora: ***throws bottle and letter back into the ocean*** Screw this!

***need I say it again? ***

Sora: Riku! Look! What is it?

Riku: The Door to Light!

Sora: Come on, let's go!

***both start running towards the Door to Light. Sora trips on a rock and brings Riku down with him. While they struggle to get up, the Door to Light disappears***

Riku: Dammit! That was our only chance! What the hell is your problem!

Sora: I didn't mean to!

Riku: Now we really are stuck here forever!

***awkward silence***

Sora: So Riku…..

Riku: What! ***death glare***

Sora: Read any good books lately?

Kairi: ***back on Destiny Islands*** Dammit! I sent the wrong letter!


	10. Twilight Town: First Day

Twilight Town: First Day

Hayner: Roxas?

Roxas: Huh?

Hayner: Stop being an emo bitch and listen. We've got a serious problem!

Roxas: Did we run out of hair gel again?

Hayner: No stupid! We just re-stocked last week. No, I'm talkin' about Seifer.

Pence: What about him?

Hayner: Well, stuff's been stolen around town, and Seifer's tellin' everybody that we're the thieves! I haven't been this ticked off in my life! What about you guys?

Ollette: I have.

Hayner: When?

Ollette: Day I met you…

Hayner: Never mind! What are we gonna do about Seifer?

Pence: I know! Let's start a rumor that Seifer is gay for the Struggle announcer!

Hayner: That'll never work.

Pence: Why not?

Hayner: We all know that he's gay for me.

Ollette: You think everybody's gay for you.

Hayner: Well, it's true. I mean, who wouldn't love me. I'm just….irresistible.

Pence: Ugh, let's just go confront him already.

Hayner: Fine, whatever.

***Hayner, Pence, Ollette, and Roxas go down to the sandlot to confront Seifer.***

Fuu: Thieves!

Rai: That was low, y'know

Hayner: Oh really?

Seifer: Nice comeback, blondie.

Hayner: What are you talkin' about? You're blonder than me.

Seifer: Whatever. You can give us back the - now.

Pence: Did you just get censored?

Seifer: What? No! You stole the - and the word, too. That was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers.

Hayner: Owned you lamers? Geez, Seifer, how white can ya get?

Seifer: Whiter than you, chickenwuss. Anyways, maybe if you get on your knees and beg, I'll let you off easy.

***Roxas gets on knees***

Hayner: Get your ass back up here, boy!

***Roxas gets up, grabs the Struggle bat and proceeds to kick Seifer's ass***

Seifer: That wasn't fair! I got a…..um…..shoulder….cramp.

***Pence takes picture. Dusk comes and steals camera***

Pence: Ahh! It groped me!

Hayner: After it!

***Hayner, Pence , Ollette, and Roxas run after it***

***Roxas catches up to it, defeats it, and acquires the stolen photos***

Hayner: ***looks at photos*** all of these are of Roxas.

Pence: Ohh, a Roxas stalker. Maybe they want to steal the real Roxas!

Hayner: Who would want to steal a dumbass like Roxas?

Roxas: Aww thanks. I love you, too.

Hayner: I knew it! Everybody is gay for me.

Pence: Oh boy ***slaps forehead***

*** screen cuts to static***

Diz: Namine! Call the cable company! The TV is out again!


	11. Sora's Awakening

Sora's Awakening

Roxas: I hate you so much!

Diz: Oh, does somebody have their big girl panties in a bunch?

Roxas: Was that supposed to be a joke?

***Roxas slashes Diz hologram***

Diz: Ha Ha Ha! Silly boy! This is a data based projection.

***Roxas continues to slash the hologram***

Diz: Are you quite done yet?

***Roxas continues slashing for another ten minutes. Diz get annoyed and leaves***

***Pod opens***

Roxas: Holy Sh-! So this is Sora? He looks kinda like- Oh my god, he's wearing hot pants! I can't believe this! Oooh, what does this button do? ***presses random button***

***Roxas disappears while Sora wakes up***

Sora: Ugh!

***Donald and Goofy rush in***

Donald: Sora! Wake up!

Sora: Five more minutes, Ma!

Goofy: I have ice cream!

Sora: Oooh, ice cream! ***jumps out of pod*** Where's my ice cream?

Donald: Never mind that!

Jiminy: ***Yawns*** Where's my coffee? Man, what a nap!

Sora: We were asleep?

Jiminy: Well, we all just woke up, so yes, we were asleep, smart one.

Donald: ***looks around*** What happened?

Sora: Well, I remember a really big door, a bright light, and a rat…..I know! We were in the bathroom at K-Mart!

Donald: That's retarded!

Sora: You're the one who asked!

Goofy: What does your journal say, Jiminy?

Jiminy: ***takes out journal, flips through pages*** Hey! There's nothing in here!

Sora: I didn't do it!

Jiminy: ***flips to random page*** Wait, here's something. "Thank Namine." Who the hell is Namine!

Donald: Did you kill her, or rape her, or key her car, or bitch slap her boyfriend?

Jiminy: I don't know!

Goofy: ***first one to notice Sora's hot pants*** What the hell happened to you!

Sora: What!

Goofy: Your pants!

Sora: ***looks down** Hey, these are kinda comfy.

Goofy: Great, you're a cross dresser. What next?

Donald: Let's just get out of here before any more of my brain cells are sucked into the dark hole you people call conversation.

Sora: I still didn't get my ice cream.


	12. Sora's Encounter with WinniethePooh

***Attention***

***now taking requests***

Well friends, I have a lot of fun writing theses and hope to continue this for as long as I can. Since I can't mess with every scene from every Kingdom Hearts game, I have decided to start taking requests. Request scenes can be from Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts 2, Kingdom Hearts: Re Chain of Memories or Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days. Send your requests to me via review or personal message, whichever you prefer. Every requested scene, I'll dedicate to the person/people who requested it. I might also do a few more on my own. And now, on to the story! (Warning! This is a bit suckish!)

Sora's Confrontation with Winnie the Pooh

Sora: Hey Pooh!

Pooh: Hello, Somebody-I-don't-know

Sora: Where is everybody?

Pooh: Hmm. I have to figure out who 'everybody' is. Think, think, think.

Sora: ***sighs*** Let's get a few things straight here. My name is Sora, and the only reason I'm in your pansy forest is to get the orichalcum plus to synthesize the Ultima Weapon. It's frickin' sweet. Not that you would know anything about that. Oh, and another thing. I'm not gonna be all "rated E" nice to you like I was last time. I'm gonna cuss as much as I want. ***let's out insanely long string of curses*** There, I ruined Disney forever. Now get your fat ass over here so we can find your friends.

Pooh: Oh bother, that's not very nice.

Sora: Do you wanna look for your friends or do you want a Keyblade up your ass? Come on!

Pooh: ***waddles after Sora as fast as he can***

Sora: ***gets hit in the head by a rogue honey pot*** This whole damn forest is a safety hazard!

***both come upon a large tree in which Piglet is stuck in***

Sora: ***looks up** There ya are. Frickin' Piglet! Let's go! We still gotta destroy Eeyore's house and jack some honey off of Rabbit.

Piglet: Help me!

Sora: How did you get in this tree in the first place?

Piglet: The wind blew me up here.

Sora: The wind? You really need to beef up, eat some more protein or whatever.

Pooh: Oh, Piglet, I am oh so hungry. Do you happen to have a small smackeral of honey with you?

Sora: Do you ever think about anything other than food! Whatever, let's go!

***Sora runs off while Pooh tries to keep up. Piglet is still in the tree. Sora and Pooh come out into a clearing. Pooh, exhausted, passes out.***

Sora: Well, that's one problem solved. ***is silent for a moment*** Oh shit! How do I get out of this book!


End file.
